How I Became Allergic to Running With Cliques

20 Aug

So I’m giving you guys all of my business.

I think it’s the rawest way to tell a story.

Cut no corners.

Tell it straight like it is.

First of all – friends are needed. They’re necessary.

Like additives to life – rose petals to a flower.

They strengthen us and they make life even more beautiful than it is. This has been proven. Right? Why not? Sometimes knowing you have people who really truly love you – in my opinion – is what helps us wake up each day. We crave love – support – and companionship.

Its our right.
It’s what we like.

It’s what we crave.

Nothing wrong with that.

But as women we go thru so many “growing up phases” right? We’re little girls who go from wearing the most annoying ponytail hair designs to that first graduation of wearing our hair down – on our shoulders. And we feel new right? Almost like a right to passage.

We leave that little girl stage and we’re on to the next – teenage stage. Hair appointments and greater “womanhood” desires. We are leaving one stage for another.

 Anyways y’all get the picture.

As females we are constantly growing and one thing I learned growing up is that the company of so many – can be detrimental to where I wanna end up in life.

I think many of us think about the now – the partying – the fun – the joy – but A LOT of us don’t understand how much we’re stunting our growth with the immature squabbles over boys – he said she said arguments with other girls – fighting – etc. It’s almost like we go backwards in “stages of womanhood”.

I was fighting at 9 years old. Even knocking boys out – because MY baby brothers werent big enough to fight their battles.

To be fighting at 29 years old saying NOTHING about growth.

It only says that I’m on the same sh+t I was when I was 9. How cute is that? How “boss b+tch”  is that? I wasn’t calling any shots at 9.

So anyways. Here is my story. ALL of my business.

One day I found out I’d be giving birth to a child  BUT the thing was –  I had criminal charges under my belt, probation fees, hell even HOUSE arrest to get rid of? Yes – I was 9 months pregnant with a monitor on my leg – because of prior mistakes I’d made. I had run the streets since I was 16 years old. rebellious and bucking at whatever. If there was any beef – my choice of squashing it was to be at a chick’s front door. Ready to fight.


You can believe that I’m sure. I was hood and NO good to anybody. Yuck.

I was a mess.

And my tall mean probation officer stared me in my face when I was only 3 months pregnant and told me – “I can’t deal with you. You aren’t abiding by your probationary guidelines – because you are pregnant we will not lock you up but you will wear this ankle bracelet for 6 months. You also will get another P.O. who will not play any games with you as well. And, man, she wasn’t lying.

Huh? Me? My daughter’s dad had just gave me his second car. I was like 20 years old. Nooooo. Not house arrest? What the fck am I supposed to do in this house? Alone. Just me.

I was used to going. I had girlfriends to visit. Mall shopping to do for my baby. House arrest? Really.

Well. I had to endure 6 months of only leaving the house on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Right and my biggest point of excitement was going to feed my face somewhere besides my kitchen. My daughters dad would work and run the streets and I was cooped up in our house – watching re-run Lifetime movies and worrying my mother to death over the phone.

It was the worse. I finally got over it though –  and I was EXTREMELY READY to figure life out. After all the last 6 months of my life consisted of reading magazines, books, and watching t.v. – waiting on my boyfriend to return home so I could have company.

My child would be born in only a few weeks and I had nothing but a high school diploma and fresh charges on my record.

VERY FRESH charges.

Jobs were denying me left and right. Every application I was filling out was denied. I was literally sick and fed up with life. But ever since I had laid down on that bed and pushed out that 7’8ounce baby girl – I had in my mind – I couldn’t give up.

No matter how many doors slammed in my face. I had to keep going. I couldn’t stop trying.

Eventually all of my conversations turned into – what I want to be – when I wanted to go back to school – how much I loved my daughter – how I needed to plan for the future. All of those I “ran” with in the streets would call me – and I was suddenly bored with “what she did and what he said and when”. Out of nowhere. I had NO room to think about that. My child would be here. She was going to need stuff, and even though her daddy would provide most of it – I still wanted to assist him. This was my first-born. I needed to be able as well. So I started my mission.

In fact, I was watching the caller ID – while ON the phone with my gossiping “friends” – hoping that the last job I faxed a resume to would be calling me back.

My attention was elsewhere.

There was an involuntary shift of desire – that changing my perception on life allowed to happen. I didn’t ask God for it. I simply began chasing MORE out of life – than the happenings of people up and down a street.

Immediately, AMAZING things began to happen. I overcame my issues with not being able to find work due to my criminal mishaps – and nailed a position that I would soon love to – and keep – and receive lifelong benefits from.

I was allergic.

Allergic to being included in a group of women or “girls” I should say – who had nothing on their minds. I became itchy at the thought of thinking about foolishness and ignoring my future. Why? Because my child needed me.

Somebody counted on me.

Somebody needed me more than I needed them. I just couldn’t focus on the things I used to focus on.

I spent a couple of nights in jail before – I couldn’t stomach the thought of going to jail and leaving my newborn baby out here with whomever. I couldn’t see it. Every risk I used to take before left my mind for good.

My advice.

Think about all good of your future. Plan things. Explore things. Live your life – by LIVING. Do not live your life by – reliving things that happened yesterday – in YOUR life – their life – her life – or his life. We spend so much time worrying about whats happening with others – and right underneath our feet – our own life is swept away.

Time is life spent.

Life is only given once.

Love who loves you back. Keep REAL important friendships close. Especially the ones that move WITH you when you when you choose growth.

Let the ones that do not move with you – cancel themselves out.

The only clique you need is You, Yourself, and You.

Become allergic. Get things done. And most importantly – save “life” time for those who truly have your interest at best heart.


No Longer Held Back By My Past

4 Responses to “How I Became Allergic to Running With Cliques”

  1. jdobypr August 22, 2012 at 5:01 pm #

    Hello Chakara, this is Jerry from The Hype Magazine, just wanted to weigh in and say I love your blog (which I am now following) and I will be sending you the information you need to become part of our editorial team. Looking forward to it!

    Jerry Doby
    Executive Editor
    The Hype Magazine

  2. na August 23, 2012 at 12:54 am #

    Well said! I like that joint!

  3. dena conyers August 23, 2012 at 4:11 pm #

    You Go Gurl (In My Martin Lawrence Voice!)….The Whole Article Was Great, So Proud Of You!…Keep’em Coming!…Cliques Are For Low Self Esteem Chicks!!…:)

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