5 Types Of Possible Friends “In Disguise”

27 Mar

Soooooooo. Today I wanted to write about “friendship”. Why? Simply because good ones are completely RARE today. I mean it seems to  me that more and more people keep these hidden agendas or reasons to push their presence on specific people. When I say push I mean, “purposely connecting with specific people in order to form friendship, for a selfish sake.” In other words, “People who come around you to benefit themselves”. Now as humans we yearn for company. I mean as soon as a child enters this world, they’re at risk of dying if a mother doesn’t share her motherly love with them. We as humans need companionship, friendship, that friend you can call up to discuss any and everything under the moon right?

Damn, right we do. So *dunt-dunna- duuuuuuuuuunnn*  (my flying cape noise) Fear no more. Chakara is here LOL. Call me your damn heroine this morning, because I’ve created a list. Now, nah. Of course I don’t claim to be “guru of friendships”. Nah. But, I have a lot of experience with encountering different people with writing books and enlarging my network. So, I’ve seen a lot of “funny” people who have “funny” vendettas. Check it out.

1. “The Club Friend” – This chick (or dude) is ALWAYS down to go wherever there is music an alcohol at. You couldn’t get this mug up to go with you to church on a Wednesday night if you literally forklift their ass outta bed and dropped them right in a church pew. They normally look GREAT! Why? Because that’s their “club appearance”. That is important for them to keep up. Duh. Be careful with labeling this person “your friend”. If the club or social night outings is all that seems to be on this person’s brain, it will show in their daily weekly activities. Do they have a job? Do they have children? Do they have a car? If the answer to all of this sh*t is NO. Run like f*ck. Well, if you’re an adult. You don’t need these type of friends. Label them associates and feed them with long handed spoons.

2. The “Twitter Follower Friend” =_= Yes, I typed that. Many friendships form from social networks. Especially “twitter”. He/she has been following you and you guys believe that you are friends. You’ve “@” each other for over a year, you’ve seen pictures of this person, cut up with them outside of twitter at social events, etc…so NOW you want to confide and believe this person is your friend. Excuse my language but “B*tch you tripping.” It’s not to say people don’t have genuine intentions, but there is no “invested love” in this type of friendship. A few damn @s and retweets doesn’t make a person down for you. There may be a hidden agenda in this “friendship”. Like…ugh I don’t know, maybe them wanting to know more information about you to feed to their “real friends”. Think about it. Not saying social network friendship is impossible (b/c there are always exceptions), but I see a lot of business strolled all over twitter due to “twitter friend breakups” and you wanna keep that type of drama to a minimum (if none at all).

3. The “Co-Worker” Friend. Now listen, this is just something that I live and die by. I do not go to my 9-5 to make friends. Now over the years I’ve grown to love some of my co-workers, but outside of work we might as well be strangers. People talk like elderly ladies on porch stoops in work places. The minute you begin making “60 second friendships” in the lunch room with people, don’t ever become surprised if your “boss” finds out things about you that you never wanted him/her to. Now I heart some of my co-workers…….AT WORK. Between the hours of 8 and 5. =_= There is no dates unless it’s a lunch date, and even those I dodge like deadbeats dodge child support subpoenas. There are always exceptions to every rule, but I don’t necessarily think it’s a great idea to form hella friend at work. Never sh*t where you eat, comes to mind.

4. The “Debbie Downer” friend. “Heyyyyyyy, girl what you doing?” YOU: Um nothing wassup. THEM: “Girl ugh…I don’t know what I’m going to do about xyz.” This person will DRAIN the freakin life out of you. I mean that’s if you actually have a life. Yeah. Now, I’m not even talking about that “real friend” who has been there with you through thick and thin, and needs to vent every now and again. But, I’m talking about the “friend” you really just met, who seems to always walk under a stormy cloud, can’t figure out what to do with or about lowlives in her life, creates problems for themselves, then want to call you at 12am and talk about it. = / Them. Drop them off like the opposing team at the basket during the last quarter. Slam dunk their ass in the recycling bin. Why did I say recycling bin? Because often, if you let a friend know they’re draining the life outta you, and they’re REALLY a friend, they’ll learn from that statement. They may even transform into a stronger friend you can actually grow to LOVE, because this type of “friend in disguise” doesn’t really mean any harm. As adults, we just gotta learn to shed the things that hold us back, Debbie Downer friends especially.

5. The “Always In Some Drama” Friend. Every damn time you turn around she/he is in some sh*t. Can’t really go out in public with her cause  you’re liable to be confronted, watch her confront, or even get rolled on by some mob of ch*cks in Ben Franklin quick weaves (don’t ask). All I’m saying is control the company you keep. This friend isn’t really a friend because she can’t even be a friend to herself. She chooses drama over being loyal to herself and staying out of sh*t. She uses confrontation instead of minding her own f*cking business and letting the ignorance of others be “their problem”. She is doing entirely too damn much, and normally this type of friend has no productivity in their life. Why? Because she’s too busy handling petty disputes and situations involving “good for nothing women” or a sorry ass man. She has no time to grow and prosper. Let her go. Let her go grow up, then try to run that friendship back.

Now I listed five, but I KNOWWW you guys know of more! So hit me up lets talk about it. Every single “friend in disguise” I listed may have hidden agendas that are planned; others may not. All I’m saying is in order to progress you have to detox your surroundings, including those who will keep you behind. The hardest thing about growing up, is shedding people without them claiming “You’re being funny”. Get over that. You have to. Its hard. You just have to.

Talk to meeeeeeeee & in the midst of talking, let’s have a great productive day!



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